trauma drama

a trauma. thats all it is. like nearly drowning when you a child, and for the rest of your life you cant even manage the thought of being in a body of water greater than ankle deep. or any scenario you think fits better for you. something life changing. to alter your state of mind because of great pain, loss, sorrow, and all that good stuff. and as cliche, young, naive, or whatever you want to say, a broken heart can damn right be right up there with shark attack. and just like the fear you feel when water reaches your knees, that rush of nightmares that can make you freeze in the heat can be found in a familiar song, those sunsets that will always belong to her, that weakening scent, even a look like you catch in the far corner of your eye that nearly caused you to crash your car. even long after being over it, the effects are still there. the developed "type" to feeling you you cant get close to anything and eventually hate everything. that person you grew into believing you've learned and will always learn. the person you like to be is because of you. but really you havent learned at all because you will always feel the same way. and its not because of you at all and you have to remember them because they are why you are you. and you remember this all right before you go to sleep. and now theres only two ways to go. suppress this the very moment you wake to only think again that night, or let it drag on every day and become fond of the dead romantic society and push the image that your heartless and dont need everything you used to stand for to that you believe it too. even then it eventually catches up to you and you remember and think and write while listening to old mix's because you cant ever sleep and your alone for hours with the thought till you fall asleep and in the back of your thoughts you wonder when this memory will rush back to where you have no control.