my own personal hell.

i do hate myself for some of the decisions i have made in the past. and how i have dealt with them. and i have grown from them to help me deal with my life today. they will always comeback and kick me to the curb. ive never regretted anything from my past, but this time its someone else baring my burdens along with me. from a different stand point, but baring them nonetheless. i can only wish for the best. to apologize is to regret, to wish to take back. which i dont. im disgusted with how i handled that back then but today we are still close and good friends. and the now is all that matters. but i do apologize for your suffering by my past. this tears me down.


i hate falling asleep.
to be awoken a couple hours later because of, nothing.
i hate the silence im left with thats overran by my ranting thoughts of whatever.
sleep sleep sleep i want sleep.


this is really strange. jealousy is something i have not felt in, forever. and that is coming from something i should not care at all towards. or maybe i just think its a little, a lot, fucked up.
no you wont guess who this part is towards.


i just cant do it. i was driving down that road and i just cant. not yet.

i just need to remember its never too late.
maybe.


why is everything broken.