hey yeah

and a realization. i am completely alone. i dont feel close to anyone at all. closer to some than most, but not close to anyone in particular. ive always had atleast someone. one person to talk to. to talk to about anything. and right now i feel like i have many close friends rather than that one best friend. before in a post on here or some other blog, ive said slowly everything ive once held close and loved, are slowly slipping and im beginning not to care. or something like that, and i think thats come around again. its hard to grasp and potential concern towards anything. its hard to show i care because honestly i just cant care. its not enough, never enough.

"And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't."

and im coming to terms that i am not alright. and its getting harder and harder to lie and say i am.


scrubs was amazing. as always. ive already watched the end about 23 times and.. i dont know what to say but i want an "elliot" ha. but for now ill shrug and turn away because its what i do now.


and after re reading, my contradictive thoughts are racing and i want to take things back and say i dont care about not caring and that i will live alone forever. fuck who ive become. no, fuck where ive let myself go.