clearly

i have issues.

i always have. i cant get completely close with anyone. i dont think there's a single person who knows EVERYTHING about me. i just cant be that open and vulnerable with anyone. at a time i was, but never have i since. i have probably could of had a new girl in my life by now. thats just how things have always been for me. someone next. and i went with it, went for the chase. i love the chase. i will admit that this is the loneliest i have been in a long while. a loneliness that is made by me, not abandonment, just loneliness. and im fine with it. no more, no less, just fine. and i really want to wait to find someone that can bring me back to life, because honestly ive felt dead for too long now. someone to bring back the passion and care i used to have. this doesnt necessarily mean a girl lover girl, just someone that makes me feel like more.

the only thing i honestly really care about any girl i can see myself with. is that i can trust her. fully. i havent had that in so long. and i honestly do not know what that is like. my mind wanders and goes to bad places and bad memories to where i can literally see them doing things. i hate it.

i know everyone deals with this and feels like this.
well you know what fuck you. that was as helpful as telling me the 34th pokemon.
actually no, that would be more helpful cause im seriously about to google that.




and also to get back on track. i still need a job.
fuck.

if bessie will quit gettin hot.
i can have my job back at sonic.
in ripon.
hellyeah..





and its nidoking!