how long is the night?

a normal sleep pattern is all i want. waking up at 7 or 8 in the morning feels great. i love making my own breakfast, or enjoying a bowl of cereal if we have any, and sometimes going to to chevron for coffee or a white mocha at java makers with a cigarette. just that atmosphere feels amazing and im in a great mood all day.

im scared of the night. im scared to sleep sometimes. when i try and i start to, right before im out, my eyes open wide. im fully conscious except for the fact that i cannot move. lately it hurts and i hear screaming. so it is not my fault that i cannot sleep at times! this has been occurring more often and im just always tired, even if i slept forever the night before. which comes to the idea that i have narcolepsy, or something. fuck.

another thought from today, i want to be able to use 100% of my brain and not just 10%. the possibilities! telekinesis! telepathy! being able to know everyones thoughts, to know who is true, to know the ugly truth. im sure if this would happen id become so isolated id kill myself, but my brain wouldnt let me probably and id take over the world!

and i hate the central valley scene. cvhc. hardcore is not about fights, and being tough. fuck crews. this is not what its about. even if cvhc doesnt classify the band as hardcore(which none are hardcore!), but apart of this scene, fuck this scene for being about fights, negativity, and hatred. im a pretty negative person myself, but fuck this! every kid goes to these shows for the same reason. cause there fucking bored. and better yet because its the only place they feel alive. and yet they are beat down upon for no reason. its ok to have a title. its ok to play the music. but everything else, grow up. and thats coming from me!

i want a scrubs tattoo... that would be awesome. or the friends central perk logo. hell yes.

i remember working at olive garden as a busser, and just spending 4 or 5 hours rolling silverware. id over hear all the gossip about customers, employees, and everyones personal life. i would imagine i was on some sort of sitcom that was based off the restaurant and revolved around everything the narrative busser(me) would hear. a few main characters that were friends, foes, bosses, that sorta deal. i dont know, i always thought it was kinda neat. yes i said neat.

speaking of neat. sloppy joes at basically hamburgers, but not a patty! its ground beef thats not made into a patty and left, just that, beef. i want to make a patty, with the same spices and sauce as sloppy joe meat, and call it a "neat" joe. hahahahahahaahaha

wow this is alot.


someone come save my life.